Stop asking Jerry Lewis about female comics
By CNTributor Jason Cook
The following is the opinion of the writer and not CNU as a super cool tumblr-blog. Direct all disagreements (you shouldn’t have any) to him
If you’ve been paying attention today, Jerry Lewis — 87-year-old comedy “legend” (see: irrelevant) — said he doesn’t think female comedians are funny. Again.
With all the Adam Carollas kicking around, Lewis is a pioneer, declaring his stance very early on that women are not funny.
So this is no longer news. Lewis does not think women are funny. We normal people condemn him. The end.
But we make it news. And not just comedy news sites (like this one!) You can find it on USA Today. On ABC news. On the Washington Post’s blog. It’s everywhere.
Jerry Lewis reminding us that he does not find women funny is not a noteworthy thing. “Hey, let’s ask a nearly nine decades-old man if he still thinks women are not funny! That’ll be fun! Maybe he changed his mind (we know that he did not)!”
I am asking people who talk to Jerry Lewis, people who write* about Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis himself, to leave this issue alone until he retracts his dumb-ass caveman opinion and checks out one of literally hundreds and hundreds of very funny women.
*I realize by writing this I am somewhat of a hypocrite but really, fuck Jerry Lewis
Leave crack smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford alone!
By CNTributor Jason Cook
I don’t get the big deal with this whole “Rob Ford smoking crack” thing.
Like, we’ve all experimented with drugs before, right? Who hasn’t made some bad decisions related to drugs?
And crack? That’s HARMLESS. It grows in the ground, how bad can it possibly be?
And we’ve alllll surely had out bad decision caught on tape, unbeknownst to us, haven’t we? And a group of journalists — after seeing said tape — then started a grassroots campaign to raise $200,000 to buy the tape (about half of which has been raised already) to expose our decision?
Story as old as time!
And hasn’t each and every one of us been the mayor of one of the top ten biggest cities in North America and has — somehow — still kept our job despite ample evidence that we smoked crack cocaine?
I mean COME ON.
Leave the guy alone!
No I’m Not Overreacting: Why “The Office” Finale Means So Much To Me
By Claire McCleskey
The other day I was discussing the upcoming finale of The Office with a friend. When I mentioned how upset I was that it was coming to an end, she told me that it was just a TV show and that I shouldn’t let it impact me so much emotionally. She’s probably right, but it did make me think about how much The Office has been a part of my life over the past few years.
I’ve been a fan for quite some time now. I can’t say I’ve been there since day one—I was only eleven years old when the pilot aired on NBC for the first time. But my parents have always loved it. I remember in its early days, my parents would watch it together every week, but they didn’t think I was old enough to watch it at first. Eventually, it would become a weekly family gathering. As I got older I began to watch episodes here and there, but it wasn’t until the summer before my sophomore year of high school that I really got into it. That summer was a particularly rocky and emotional one for me, and I needed something make me laugh and get my mind off of everything. As I browsed Netflix one night, I noticed that they had every season of The Office to date available to stream. I watched four seasons in a week. That was when I learned that even if it sounds lazy, marathoning TV shows can be highly therapeutic.
From then on out, I was hooked. I’ve never missed an episode. Some of my best friendships were formed because of excited conversations about the future of Jim and Pam every Friday morning after a new episode had aired. As I grew older I realized how much I loved the writing on the show. I mean, I really loved it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted to work in television as a writer so that I could do it too. And I still want to. If you had given me one wish when I was sixteen years old, it would have been to be able to do what the writers on that show do. If you asked me now, I would tell you the same thing.
But I think my favorite thing about The Office is how much it has grown as a show. The characters we see in season nine are not the same ones we saw in season one, just as someone you met nine years ago would not be the same now. This seems like simple logic, but not every show can pull this off. For the most part, it shows character development in a realistic way. Look at Jim and Pam’s relationship—we see them going from flirting in the office to newlyweds to a very real mother and father facing problems that only a married couple would have to deal with. Michael Scott leaves Scranton to be with Holly. As much as we all wanted him to stay, in the real world it would have been time for him to leave. There’s a fairly steady coming and going of characters in the office. While some of them are exaggerated, they are all very much like the people you would find in your own office. If you tell me you’ve never worked with a Michael Scott, you’re lying to me. And as these characters have grown, so has the audience. When the show premiered I was still in elementary school, and I am now halfway done with college. While in college, I am studying Communications and hoping to become a television writer—one who will write the next great mockumentary series. I’ve made friends, I’ve lost friends. I’ve grown as much as the characters have and the finale forces me to see how much they’ve grown up and therefore, make me see how much I’ve grown up. And that’s why I don’t think I’m overreacting because I’m upset about a TV show ending.
Stories from the Junk Drawer #3
Hello! I’ve re-named my “Homeless Posts” series “Stories from the Junk Drawer!” Still the same rejected-submissions concept, still the same sub-par quality. Enjoy?
By CNU Editor Danielle
The Pope Livetweets Easter Mass
(Originally submitted for consideration March 28th, 2013. Rejected March 30th, 2013.)
One of the coolest things about our new pope is that he’s on Twitter. He’s gotten so into social media recently that he’s taken to livetweeting.
Danielle Romeo is a writer, comedian, and occasional graphic designer stuck commuting between New York and New Jersey while attempting to make her dreams come true. You may have seen her work on the UCB stage (either mopping it up or in a grad show, most likely), HelloGiggles.com, CollegeHumor.com, or maybe she just thinks that she’s a bigger deal than she really is.
The End of the Tear Drop Tattoo
By CNtributor: Tim O’Halloran
We’ve all heard about how tough/scary people are who have tear drop face tattoos. Well here’s a few tattoo ideas if you want to seem really tough.
Get a tiny tattoo of Chris Crocker a.k.a the “leave Britney alone” dude: Screw just the tear, get the entire face of a famously sobbing person. Boom, now you’re a tough guy.
The ocean: Honestly, how many movies have terrible monsters eating people in the ocean. Lots. That’s how many. So why not strike fear into the hearts of many by saying, “yeah, there’s a lot of unidentified monsters in me that could MURDER YOU!”, with just a simple tattoo.
“The fear of disappointing a loved one”: This one would take up a bit more space and would require some time for reading, but nothing feels worse than disappointing someone who loves you. And with this tattoo, you become that!
Math: This might be a little subjective but I feel like nothing scares people more than math. If you can make it a word problem that makes you all the tougher.
Current Amanda Bynes: I fee like this one is self-explanatory.